Seeing the future: 2013 predictions

You will not believe what I’m about to say.

I am the best prognosticator I know. Nearly all of my predictions come true.

Now, re-read that very first sentence. See! Told you so. With my cred firmly established, here’s what will happen in the coming year:

MUSIC:
Bob Dylan weds the grandmother of One Direction’s Harry Styles. The popular boy group subsequently disbands after Styles’s new step-grandfather convinces him to pursue a banking career.

MOVIES:
Production of “Star Wars, Episode VII: Gungans and Ewoks!” abruptly ends when NATO buys the storied movie franchise from Disney Corp. and shuts it down in order to save the world from further embarrassment.

TV:
The PBS show “Caillou” wins the Golden Globes “Lifetime Achievement Award.”

POLITICS:
Texas secedes from the United States, elects Sarah Palin as its Supreme Leader, and quickly evolves into exactly the utopia its citizens envisioned.

CIVILIZATION:
The world ends August 22, shortly after sunrise.

SPORTS:
The Houston Astros win the World Series 4-2 over the Chicago Cubs.

SOCIAL MEDIA:
Second Life developer Linden Lab buys Facebook and forces users into its virtual world after converting their real identities to avatars. Global markets collapse when 88 percent of Earth’s population trades its real money for Lindens. But nothing else changes much.

AUTOMOBILES:
The much ballyhooed driverless car zooms off a cliff high in the Hollywood Hills and vaporizes in a fireball that also damages the guest house on Howie Mandel’s estate. The autopsy reveals the car had a fuel ethanol content of 0.91.

STOCK MARKET:
Twitter goes public and becomes the stock most tweeted about in history.

U.S. ECONOMY:
Present-value GDP growth adjusted for farm subsidy outlays, Chinese currency distortions and the effects of southern Florida weather is 2.67%.

NEXT BIG THING:
Tsunami-washed jeans made from fabric recovered from Tōhoku, Japan, debut to universally favorable reviews in Paris.

FOOD:
Sales of McDonald’s new McSlugger, made of ground Major League Baseball bats, begin strong. But the fast-food chain withdraws the product when a man dies eating 46 McSluggers trying to win a contest at a West Virginia bar.

BLACK SWAN:
Actor Bill Murray qualifies for golf’s PGA Championship and goes on to win the event over a crowded field of the world’s top professionals. All wars cease, financial markets soar, and global warming begins to reverse itself.

So, get ready for some big changes and surprises in the coming months. You know what else is going to change? Your customers’ expectations. Their perceptions of the value you provide. The data and intelligence on which they base their buying decisions. How they see your competitors. And things even I can’t predict!

But don’t fear change. Embrace it. Use it to your advantage. Read this e-book. Then, call us if you need help navigating change.

photo credit: *m22 via photopin cc

One Response

  1. Kay Martin says:

    Mind blown

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